preciso de ouvir vozes
muitas vozes
outras vozes
quaisquer vozes servem
para abafar as minhas.

as vezes gostava de ter essas vidas que ouco subir e descer as escadas. dia e noite. gostava de ter a vida de quem come take away e nao se preocupa com o dinheiro. ponho-me nos pés de toda a gente com quem lido. e imagino como seria, ter aquelas vidas ocupadas. de entrar e sair, de comer fora ou ir ao supermercado mesmo antes da hora de jantar. e ter sempre nocao das horas. porque viver contigo é perder completamente a nocao do tempo.

ontem escrevi um poema na minha cabeca. e correu super bem.

nao sei se é porque tive sorte, que agora me sinto tao sozinha.

mas que sorte? aqui tudo ganha pó muito facilmente. aqui está sempre tudo sujo, escuro, frio, chato, feio. aqui é tudo muito difícil e nada - nada - no teu corpo, ajuda. nada.

quanto menos falo com pessoas, menos quero falar. fico ansiosa. nao quero nunca mais ter de falar com ninguem para alem de ti. e de ti.

aqui isolada estou bem, nao sei.

detesto toda a gente

nao tenho ninguem com quem falar. mas tambem detesto falar.

MY head hurts
like I could feel the days going by, pulling away from my skin
leaving little marks of sadness and despair and loneliness
all the feelings I thought I didn't have in stock.

I cannot hear happy things or happy people walk about and shout it out
It's like I chose to stay inside for months. Each month I lose one limb
There must be a reason for all this. I cannot simply wait and end up loose-ing, my-self

I strive for emptiness. It cannot be.
Sometimes I want things, more things, get more things, get to be full of things, bursting of things and loads of things all the things, and more and more and so stuffed and full that I cannot breathe because I can't breathe with all these things I can't take. I feel like I'm trapped in my own trap for empty and for full of wonderful things. But wait... What's that sound?

"Hi, our lives don't have a meaning, so we buy it instead. Buy a life, buy some meaning; advertise yourself for love, friends or networking. The Life shop buys your days by the kilo. Come, come, there's also a reduced section for those desperate ones. Cancer cases and depressive types prefer to go minimal. Still, no one's stopping you from buying Christmas gifts in February. Why stop there? Just pre-order yourself a coffin!"

I'm certain that I am the saddest person in this town!
Why don't I get some take away like no one cares.
Why don't I end up buying two sets of dinnerware instead of one.

I don't miss you at all.

I just feel like you're getting away, quietly.
Like we're in the middle of a sentence, but suddenly I realized I was talking to myself.

Like when you get bored of my subjects and you choose your own.

You're like that chicken flavour we don't do anymore.

We've got to make new ones, for the better.
We've got to make new friends, friendlier.

I may not know what I'm saying...
but of one thing I'm certain:

I don't, I don't really miss you at all.